"Practicing right relationship is the key to finding purpose, fulfillment, and increasing effectiveness in your congregation" (Sellon & Smith, Practicing Right Relationship, The Alban Institute, 2005).
Wow, Sellon and Smith sure said a mouthful there! The key to effectiveness in any home, group or organization is contingent upon people knowing what healthy relationship looks like and then practicing it. You can click on the following link to view a healthy/unhealthy relationship wheel diagram to learn more on this subject - http://labmf.org/facts/relationships.
The fact of the matter is, if we are not consistently practicing right relationship we will naturally default to one or more of the common behaviors that destroy togetherness. In counseling I refer to these specific actions as "the coffin nails of relationship." When "the nails" are used the "lid" on intimacy is slammed down and secured and people are driven further apart. Often times making it more difficult and less desirable for them to engage relationship again. In the Church this means that people feel unloved and under valued, ministry is stunted, effectiveness is lost, and motivation is squelched.
What are the "Coffin nails of relationship?"
One, FIGHT: start an argument, criticize, compete with others.
Two, FLEE: Leave emotionally (or actually), change the subject, sweep things under the rug, stop talking.
Three, FREEZE: Stop contributing to the health of the relationship/group, stop sharing self emotionally, withdraw, become helpless and paralyzed.
Four, CARE TAKE: Have all the answers and exclude others, dominate, do all the talking, and worry about a third person (or another cause) and not work on the problem.
Five, TRIANGULATE: This refers to talking about people but not to the person whom you have the problem is with.
So, are you relationally functional? What does that mean? The difference between functional and not is this ... Functional people can identify a problem, admit they have a problem, seek solutions, and work the solutions. Dysfunctional people generally make others responsible for the problem and wait for others to change. They will consistently blame, shame and defame the people they have issues with and will not value relationship (or Christ's mission) enough to find or work out healthy solutions.
Are you practicing right relationship at home, work and at church? Thanks for stopping by today!
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Adrian
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I tried numbers one and two not long ago with my wife. As I childishly stormed out of the house and left in my car, I was seething. I tried to talk to God, but that door was closed. I went and sat by the lake and tried again to talk to God, but He had cut off communication. I felt isolated, angry and alone. Separation in one relationship often, if not always, leads to separation in other relationships. I had to make that relationship right before any other was even a possibiliy. I called and apologized profusely, and headed home. When that relationship began to move forward, my heart was healed and I could again come before my Father. It was a good lesson learned and as soon as I read this "fodder" I was touched in my spirit. Thanks big daddy for addressing this relationship issue. I think it is one of the most important things we neglect to teach and learn.
ReplyDeleteGreat information. I'm glad I have such a learn-ed guy for a friend. thanks.
ReplyDeleteVery good article!
ReplyDeletePat,
ReplyDeleteYou approve? No additional changes needed? Are you feeling okay today? :-) :-) :-)
I'm trying to practice "right relationship". Don't test me. Grrrr.....
ReplyDeletePat,
ReplyDeleteTHis is a break through for you! Being able to admit your need is traveling half the road to recovery. Atta girl! LOL
Whoa, whoa! I never admitted to having a need! Let's not go crazy.
ReplyDeletePat,
ReplyDeleteOh no! It sounds like denial has set back in ... I will pray for you!