Monday, June 29, 2009

Relationship

"Being the best one can be in one's relationship system is extraordinary leadership" (Wilkes, Jesus on Leadership, Tyndale Press)

Relationship is important when it comes to leadership. The study and practice of it must be priority number one. The first area of study in relationship is self. To borrow the phrase made popular by Plato we must "know thyself." Sometimes (maybe most of the time) the greatest obstacle in overcoming our relational dysfunction begins with an assessment of ourselves. What affects do we have on others? Are we part of the problem by continually circulating negative emotion, etc., through our relationships at work, home and church?

In family systems we use the words "togetherness" and "fusion" a lot. Togetherness refers to the "emotional glue" that people share in healthy relationship. It speaks of a level of openness, transparency, venerability, intimacy, validation, etc., that naturally occurs between people who take personal responsibility for self and live accordingly with other like-minded people.

Fusion, on the other hand, refers to the interdependency and reactivity people can grow into through relationship if they do not maintain a healthy perspective. When fusion occurs people give away a portion of self to another. Personal boundaries disappear and self becomes the responsibility of another. If we are unhappy it is due to the other person's action or lack there of. If we have a problem it becomes the responsibility of the others to fix it. The result: when anxiety occurs everyone in the relationship experiences and reacts to it.

Conflict occurs and people become less motivated when a leader refuses to take responsibility for self. It is only when one is willing to stop, examine self, and work on the personal impact one is having on relationship will healthy change occur and positive energy be infused into our relational system. Healthy leaders "know thyself" and the impact their attitude and actions have on another. Are you striving to be such a person? Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian

1 comment:

  1. It's tough work, but necesssary work. Often painful, but so rewarding.

    ReplyDelete